Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
did i walk over a car last night?
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Randomize
