I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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