the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
