Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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