Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
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