Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Rumble strips road head = magical
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
