Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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