the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
