You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
