my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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