How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
A+ Viking dick
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
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