I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
