I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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