thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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