i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
