why didn't you poke me back
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
