Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Randomize
