I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
