Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Randomize
