DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize