if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
