Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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