should my penis look like a turkey
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
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