you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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