The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
