You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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