also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Boobs are out for the taking
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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