He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
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