New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
My liver is preforming stress tests.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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