the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
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