Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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