Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
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