i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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