So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize
