woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
