I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
