I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
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