People with herpes should wear stickers.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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