I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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