Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
