Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Randomize
