you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
