i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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