Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
