There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
then he tried to convert me to islam
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
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