I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
