so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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