i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
