I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
