my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Randomize
