Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
