ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
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