Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Randomize
