i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
They are going to name an STD after you.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
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