Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
