Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
