your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Randomize
