Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Randomize
