thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
