do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
