We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I just blew my weed a kiss
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
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