The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
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