Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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