dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
