Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
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