He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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