i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
