I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
