mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
This is the high leading the old right now
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
