do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
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