I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
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