mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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