There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Randomize
