The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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