Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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