Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Randomize
