I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
