awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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