Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
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