i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Randomize
