just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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