Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
