Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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