I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
