i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
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