I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Randomize
