He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
The dick lei will go down in squad history
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
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