On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
i drank out of a bidet.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
